Anyone who has spent more than five minutes with a young child knows that they aren’t just mini, less-sophisticated adults. Expecting the same level of quiet attentiveness out of them that you would a peer isn’t just unfair, it sets your family up for failure.

But what can you reasonably expect from little ones when you’re inside cultural site? What constitute museum manners?

Obviously the specific location plays a big role in what is or is not acceptable. Anywhere that has “children” in its name is going to be a lot less rigid than a gallery specializing in religious art of the Renaissance. You absolutely can take the next generation to places in the latter category, but it’s probably better to road test your rules and their ability to abide them elsewhere first.

The good news is that you’re probably already articulating most of what I’d consider museum manners in everyday life, or at least a variation of them. It’s important to remember that the central goal is to make the act of learning enjoyable — and spouting off a laundry list of “thou shalt not” is going to quench their little sparks pretty quickly. Being able to say why something is or is not allowed, in general terms, can make a big difference in whether it is adopted.

So what are the expectations of behavior? For our four-year-old, the guidelines go something like this:

• Stay with an adult. Mom and Dad may divide and conquer to cover more ground, take a bathroom break, etc., but stay with one of them. Between crowds and sometimes-serpentine gallery spaces, finding yourself suddenly alone is a real, and probably scary, prospect.
• Watch how you walk. Running can separate you from the group or set you up for injury with a fall on slippery marble floors. There may also be heavy and/or priceless objects that could damage you. Or vice versa. And other patrons don’t have the sixth sense parents develop to intuit when a child is underfoot, so you may well crash into others or get stepped on.
• Inside Voice. If you never have to struggle with this, please share your secrets. Some things are just too exciting to contain.
• Do. Not. Touch. Only even think about it if we or someone who works at the museum specifically invite you to do so. Watching a stranger touch something doesn’t mean they were supposed to, or that it is a good idea for kids to follow suit.
• Gain access politely. Virtually nobody will begrudge a kid being allowed to the front of a crowd so they can see something that would otherwise be blocked from their view. But don’t push to get there and don’t monopolize the view once you’ve taken it in.
• Listening ears stay on. There may be special rules or instructions we need to follow for safety’s sake. Precarious stairways on WWII battleships, I’m looking at you here!
• Express preferences. If you want to stay longer at a particular exhibit or double back and see a case a second time, that’s great! Tell us what you want to see and we’ll do the same. I think the second half of that equation is particularly important; it gives you an opportunity to teach patience as Mom or Dad gets to see something (briefly) that might not be atop Junior’s list.
• Ask questions! We are here to learn, after all. Not only are mom and dad available for queries, but there’s museum staff who are often much more knowledgeable. See if you can get them to identify the interpreters on the floor who they can approach.

Have you found any particularly helpful rules to enforce or behaviors to encourage when you’re visiting a museum or similar site?